If your parents were what you use to denigrate as hardhearted, most likely they set very high standards for you to meet. They respected you as a person, and were confident that you could and should perform on that level. The higher the standard, often the more and better a youngster achieve.
If parents set very low or no standards for children to meet, that is usually about what they achieve. By setting low standards, the parents indicate that they do not respect their children or much believe in them, feeling that accomplishing litttle or nothing is good enough for them, or is all they can come up to.
To respect a child is to love that child and push him.
To disrespect a child is to hate and spoil him, celebrating the child in him.
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