I Too Self-Deceive

I forget who I am. I forget what I have accomplished. I get lost in a solipsistic fog. What is real? What is imaginary? What is the gold standard that I can measure things against? How do I establish a base line for making sensible, realistic, practical comparisons? Who is right? Who is wrong? Who is lying? Who is telling the truth? Who is good? Who is bad? Do I work for God? Do I work for Lucifer? Is it but a cold, cruel, solely material universe in which whatever I do or do not do harbors no significance or consequence?

This is how I feel occasionally when I am lonely, depressed, pessimistic and my beseeching the public for a response all goes unanswered.

Most of the time, I am rather certain of my worth, my real service to God and humanity. I am a good man doing good work, work that anyone else could have done--and most easily will do in the future--if they had but the guts and the confidence to go far out into space and hear God's wisdom and share De's love.

Where I feel less certain of who I am, or forget who I am or where I am or what my worth is, it occurs as I live and work among thousands of joiners and nonindividuators who do not know me from Adam, nor give me any respect and consideration as a wise man and prophet.

I self-deceive in forgetting just how odd, different, scary, startling and enraging my way of thinking, talking, philosophizing and carrying on does come across to sleepy, sleeping groupists that encounter a great soul in the flesh.

I need to not be bitter. I need endless patience. I need to be positive, calm, friendly and reassuring. It make take decades for people to catch up with me. They must choose to love, live, be free, know God and individuate on their own, without external coercion, when they are good and ready to do so.

I am trying to be patient and peaceful, not power-hungry or lecturing folks. They eventually will find their way. God bless them and us all, as we inch our way forward.

The advertising and sales pitch of Mavellonialism by me to the world will continue unabated, but it will not take on a desperate or violent character. This is good stuff, and it is incumbent upon this man to act like a gentleman, as best he can, to not besmirch such a wholesome and uplifting message.