Uncondtional Love

 

Dennis Prager is one of the wisest Americans alive today. There is no doubt that this pious Jew gains some of his wisdom from his Jewish culture, a mixture of otherworldliness and common-sense worldly enjoyment and involvement, that more extreme Christians should adopt.

 

One of his profound insights concern the concept of unconditional love. He is against it. Now, let me hasten to say where someone gives or receives unconditional love, great, enjoy giving it or receiving it.

 

Young people today are not having children, because these young adults are seeking unconditional love, which children often do not reciprocate; Prager notes these young people are getting dogs who give unconditional love. He argues that this is a regrettable mistake being made by young people.

 

Yes, kids give conditional love and sometimes no love, but having kids is the greatest blessing in the world, a most rich, meaningful, personal adventure. I agree.

 

I wonder if love is a feeling or a rational orientation towards another human being? I think mature love is perhaps more a rational orientation towards another, more than it is a sentimental or passionate orientation to another, though it is both, and these two loving orientations towards another human are inseparable from one another. They need not clash when one loves another: one can think about one that one loves rationally, as well as feelingly.

 

This is where Prager’s concept of conditional love fits in. It is better to love God, others, and oneself rationally or conditionally, more than passionately or unconditionally. And it is better to love God, others, or oneself more than to hate or be indifferent when loving.

 

We are complex creatures, for whomever is the target of our love, is also a target of our hate or ill will. Such conflicting orientations likely are universal, real, and predictable. Feelings of unconditional love are often too melodramatic, reversible and temporary.

 

Thus, it is prudent to love or hate conditionally rather than to love or hate another or oneself unconditionally. It can be evil to love anyone or to hate anyone unconditionally for it is immoderate. To love and hate unconditionally is, in the long run, generally to be hating more than loving.

 

To love and hate anyone conditionally often is more loving in the long run, because extreme orientation towards God, others and oneself is unhealthy and induces much needless pain and suffering in the relationship.

 

Thus, having children will be rewarding for those that love the child for who he is, whether he freely, unconditionally loves his parents back or not. It might be better that the youngster become a good person, well-trained and civilized by his parents, rather than parents worrying about being popular, being the unconditionally liked or loved parents, though being liked, or loved is always nice to receive. Conditional love is more mature, more steadfast, more substantial. It is more lasting.

 

To expect unconditional love from a child is an unrealistic expectation for a parent to assume. They are separate people, and one must find validation for happiness by one’ own individuating as a lived gift sent back to one’s creators.

 

To expect unconditional love from a child or anyone is an unfair imposition extended from the parent to the child.