So you have made a mess of things. If you are willing to not give up, to get up and try again, your guardian angel just may be able to nudge you towards a clean, sober, productive life. Later, you may even graduate into self-realizing.
We are all flawed. We are all mortal and limited. We are failures and imperfect, making a mess of things far more than we are successes, self-perfecting and running our affairs smoothly. These latter three occurrences can occur but it takes some effort, discipline and focus to turn things around.
Clean up your messes, and be grateful that you have another shot at getting it right, enjoying life, being justly proud of your efforts, and feel grateful to be alive.
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